I met a very special couple recently who have begun the process to adopt a child. Liz and Drew impressed me by their love, their joy and their faith. Infertility is a difficult journey, they have become stronger because of it. Infertility can push a couple apart, they have drawn closer because of it. Infertility can make you feel isolated, they have reached out to help others because of it. They are now in a new phase of their journey, that of adopting. Liz has graciously agreed to share her thoughts with us from time to time. Below is the fist of Liz's posts. Please keep Liz and Drew in your prayers.
Effie
My name is Liz Smith, I am in my early thirties, and married to a wonderful man, Drew. We met right after college over ten years ago. During the past ten years, Drew and I have struggled with the infamous medical term "infertility". How's that for an icebreaker. For so many years we felt opposition with our identity outside of this infertile world. I felt isolated, alone; a desert island with no one to reach out to for help. Then one day, I began to gradually listen to my life. I came to an understanding that the ten years of our relationship had been guided by a force much greater than just our marriage. It was a calling to adoption, this was our way.
For years I questioned so many aspects of life. Infertility had a trickle down effect that latched on to so many other questions. This resistance became an internal struggle with my individuality. Who am I? Where will I go? How will I overcome? How will I find my way? When I started to listen to my life, I began to put the pieces of a puzzle together. The first crucial piece was Drew. A decade ago, we sat in his honda civic watching the sunset at the river. It was a beautiful night, although I wanted to discuss with him the possibility that I many never be able to have children. Terrified of the rejection, and the fear of the unknown, I waited to hear his response in the car. The only thing that Drew cared about that evening was that I was alright, and for me to know that he loved me. From that moment forward, I had found my soul mate, my way of life began with him.
It was a year ago that we went to seek a second opinion from another fertility specialist. At the same time, I set up a meeting to attend an orientation on adoption at a local agency. We continued for several months along the way of medicine, seeking out a third clinic to hear another opinions. What we began to realize is that all three infertility centers gave us different outcomes, different opinions. And after we had a final setback that stalled us once again from pursuing our dream to become parents, we started to turn off the noise. The setbacks consisted of my physical and emotional health. I had already been hospitalized the year before last due to overstimulation from a simple pill to help me ovulate. These cysts caused a major infection that kept me in the hospital for almost a week. My emotional health was drained constantly feeling like a science experiment. I was not comfortable with considering all of the options from the fertility community. Our family and friends wanted nothing more than for us to conceive, they each had their own predictions. Our fertility doctors, were human, they gave us possible outcomes. However, we recognized that in the end it was their opinions. They could not predict our future as parents. After reflecting on the past ten years one evening in January, we considered every possible scenario. Drew and I turned off all the noise and focused on our hearts. What felt right was adoption. I knew in my heart that getting pregnant was not our hope, our hope was to parent. This was a our peace, this way was our strength.
So as our story continues, so does my way of life. Our story is one that is filled with struggle, it is filled with pain, it is filled with love....and it is now filled with hope. It is with this hope where adoption finds its place in my heart. The child that we will parent one day will have a life destined of love. The love from Drew and I as parents. The love a birth-mother, who may not even know yet how selfless and beautiful her choice to form an adoption plan is for the child she conceives. The love of all of those around us who get to bear witness to this amazing journey. And lastly, it is that force that I spoke of earlier. The strength that is greater than Drew and I carrying us through the darkest of days. That force is God.
This story is has no ending, it has hope....and so my story continues....more to come.
With Love, L
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